I am my own woman – What’s a girl got to do to get a name around here?

I love being a wife, I love being a mum; These are two of the greatest joys in my life, and I wear those titles with pride. Being my husbands wife is something I cherish, he’s my biggest supporter, my best friend, and the one who pretends not to notice when I steal his chips; And being a mother? That’s a privilege beyond words.

But here’s the thing....That’s not my name! It’s not a women's sole purpose in life, despite what society often expects. It’s not the defining factor of a women's existence, nor does it sum up everything they have worked for.

And yet, time and time again, we find ourselves introduced as "Oh, and this is his wife."

No name, no mention of our work, our achievements, our skills — just a title that, while important, isn’t our full identity.

The Silent Erosion of Identity

Now, let’s be clear, I have no issue being connected to my husband. I adore him. In fact, I’d introduce him as my husband just to even the playing field.

But here’s where the problem lies; When a woman is introduced only in relation to someone else, it subtly erases her as an individual and the effects? They’re more damaging than we realise.

It sets the tone for the entire interaction, when a women is introduced solely as “the wife”, they immediately becomes a supporting character in someone else’s story. Instead of "Adel, business owner, trainer, advocate, women on a mission and all round good egg", instead we are framed as just an extension of our partners.

It’s the conversational equivalent of being a decorative throw pillow—nice to have around, but ultimately, just there to make the sofa look better.

By simply identifying a women only by their connection, it limits their ability to establish themselves in the conversation. Have you ever noticed how, after the “Oh, nice to meet you” and a polite handshake, the conversation just… moves on? Often leaving us smiling and nodding as the real talk—business, industry, ideas—flows effortlessly between the men in the room.

I can almost hear it now, “She’s just the wife, she is just happy to put a nice dress on and be out for the evening” and because correcting someone in the moment feels awkward, “Actually, I have a name, and I own my own business, and I’m incredibly talented, thank you very much”, we end up standing there like a well-dressed totem pole, just taking up space with those manicured nails.

The Silent Treatment: When You’re Simply Forgotten

This isn’t just about introductions. It’s about being entirely overlooked.

I once attended an event with my wonderful husband, where I stood silently alongside him for what felt like an eternity in killer heels, completely forgotten. Never introduced, never acknowledged, just… there. A bit like someone had brought a small child to the party who wasn’t supposed to be up this late, so everyone just politely ignored me.

At one point, the conversation turned, and one of the men actually glanced at me and said, “Sorry, and you are?” I had been standing right there for hours. I could barely contain my frustration. But instead of announcing myself properly, I self-sabotaged, blurting out: “Oh, I’m just the plus one.” A joke, of course, but not even a game-changer. Just a confirmation that I was, in fact, an afterthought.

And this happens to women too many times to count, so much so that when we start going to networking events alone, ground breaking thought I know, putting ourselves in the room for us. Even then, when I introduced myself as Adel Gascoigne, business owner, I was met with that quizzical look—the slight furrowed brow, the raised forehead, the momentary hesitation. Then, like clockwork "Oh, the wife!"

The Ultimate Insult: "Your Little Business"

And then there’s this one—my personal favourite, after pushing past the “Oh, the wife” introduction, I’ll often get hit with the next belittling phrase, "So, what is it you do then?"

Now, it’s not always the words—it’s the tone, the slight upward inflection at the end, as though they might as well be pinching my cheeks and calling me adorable. In the moment I have confidently responded with my business title, brand, and expertise to then be met with the condescending "Oh, that’s nice. A little business on the side, A hobby?"

A hobby!! Have you any idea how much work goes into running a business? The time? The energy? The stress? Yeah, sure. Just a hobby!

And just when we think it can’t get worse, there’s the classic "What does your husband think about your side business?" With the greatest of respect—he loves me, he supports me, but he does not run my business. He does not balance the books, bake the cakes, create the designs I do.

It seems almost inconceivable that a women can be more than just one thing, a mother, a wife, a full time employee and build a business from scratch on their own. But the truth is we have been multi tasking for years, we have been pushing limits and breaking the mould that society has decided to set out for us long before society said we cant.

The Tag That Broke the Camel’s Back

Recently, I was tagged in a post advertising my work on social media, I was excited to see my business getting recognition, only to read the caption: "Made by Anthony’s wife."

No mention of my name, No mention of my business, No credit for my work despite it being on the label. And to add insult to injury? The potential business order was then given to my husband.

I couldn’t decide whether to laugh, cry, or open a bottle of wine. It felt like the assumption was that, of course, my husband must be the one running the show. That I’m just the woman behind the man, pottering about in the background, baking a few cakes as a cute little pastime.

When the reality is I’ve spent years building my business, honing my skills, and establishing my brand. My success is the result of my own hard work, sweat, and late nights—not a casual side project.

This is such a common occurrence for women in business, often overlooked with the assumption that we are not serious about our business, that this is just a bit of extra on the side, Have you ever known a women with too much time on their hands to just whip up a quick little side business to "have fun with" The truth is business is business whoever is running the show, it takes the same effort, the same amount of advertising, the same cost and the same need to self promote and network their ass off. So having you hard work side swiped by an out dated assumptions, well it just stings.

When We Get It Right

Now, let me be clear—I love my husband dearly, he is my world, and the reason we work so well together is because he sees me. He values me, the lengths I’ve gone to in establishing myself, my hard work, my knowledge, my skills. Because of that, when he introduces me, he does so considerately and with love.

The other day, we popped into a different location to meet a lovely lady when he introduced me, he simply said: "This is Adel." not "This is my wife." Not "This is Anthony’s wife." Just Adel.

Effortlessly, he followed up by mentioning my skills and talents, weaving them into the conversation as naturally as anything, and just like that—boom—the room opened up.

The floor was mine. I had an opportunity to talk, even if only briefly, about what I do. We found common ground, struck up a conversation, and before I knew it, a wonderful business opportunity arose.

It was seamless. It was respectful. And more than anything, it was the way it should be.

Claiming My Name

So, what’s the solution? It’s simple, next time you introduce a women into the conversation Say her name, acknowledge her work, and introduce her in a way that gives her the same opportunities to engage with value as much as anyone else. Its Okay to mention her as you significant other, but use it as an affectionate term not as her sole existence.

we deserve to be known for who we are, So, next time you introduce them, say their name.

Much love